Oh, what creepy basement did you come from, Schleusolz? Who spawned you there? And for the love of God, why?

Schleusolz (decidedly pronounced SHLOO-soltz) is the product of a modern-day musical Dr. Frankenstein, chopping and mixing equal parts bad German synth techno pop, cheesy lounge music, the soundtrack to a broken carnival ride, the bonus level of a Sega Genesis game, and something you might hear in the waiting room for an S&M torture chamber.

The art on the cover of Running Out of Time led me to believe that I was getting into some 1960’s beach party music, but I found myself in a 2020’s juke bar instead. As a fan of beach party music, this was a disappointment. But as a fan of the uniquely bizarre, I felt right at home nonetheless. I quickly became immersed in quirkiness. Disoriented, I nodded my head and smiled. I liked it.

The album introduces itself as purely instrumental, using dozens of synthesizer voices throughout the first couple of tracks. “I Came To Marry A Blond Girl,” the sixth track, surprises the listener with unintelligible vocals (my German’s a little rusty) which are scattered throughout the rest of the album.

“Chivalry” is the film-noir elevator jam of 2009. “I Want It And I Need It” boasts an Eastern sitar battling Nordic metal guitars and a double-time drum beat. “The River of Love” is a well-crafted score to a Western that was never made. “White Sharks” delivers an uptempo, good-times pop melody consistent with the bikini girls on the cover. While the musical style is all over the place, the music’s ability to instill an image within the listener is constant throughout the album.

While it is not the pinnacle of man’s musical achievement, and it seems to have been produced primarily out of boredom, Schleusolz is definitely worth listening to. And for those who don’t care for the aurally adventurous, this is avante-garde that’s easy to swallow. You just might learn something.

Take Two by Sara Crawford

Sometimes when I find myself sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room, on hold with some company on the phone, or randomly watching the Weather Channel, I pause during the ridiculous synthesized “easy listening” music that is playing and think, “Did someone really write this? Are they serious about it?” That was my first thought when I listened to Running Out of Time by Schleusolz. (Try saying that band name five times fast.)

But when I played the album a few times, I had to re-evaluate the way I write music reviews. Certainly, this is an innovative album. From the title track, “Running Out of Time,” which sounds like you’re in a 1992 Super Nintendo Game (in the level where you have to rush through before you literally run out of time), to the trippy “Karoshi Dancing” that will make you think you’re a robot on acid, to “The River of Love,” which almost sounds like the soundtrack to some sort of animated Western, I really hadn’t heard anything like this before.

Are these songs interesting, unique, and well-written? Sure. Was there a good deal of talent that went into making this album? Definitely. Will there ever be a situation in which I would pop this CD in? Um…probably not. However, it left me scratching my head and going “hmm.” And I think that’s worth something.